my mother has a system but wont use it

Jouse Heery

2 min read

·

30-11-2024

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My Mother's Stubborn System: A Tech-Savvy Daughter's Lament

Many of us have been there. We've spent hours setting up systems for our loved ones, only to watch them gather dust. This article explores the common frustrations and potential solutions when a parent, in this case my mother, refuses to use a system designed to make their life easier. My mother has a perfectly good system, yet she stubbornly refuses to engage with it. This isn't about technological incompetence; it's about something much deeper.

The System: A Detailed Look

My mother's "system" is a meticulously organized digital calendar integrated with a task management app. I spent weeks setting it up, inputting all her appointments, reminders, and to-do lists. It's color-coded, categorized, and even syncs with her phone. It's designed to alleviate the stress of juggling multiple commitments. Yet, she prefers handwritten notes and a chaotic jumble of sticky notes.

Why the Resistance? Understanding the Root Causes

The resistance isn't simply about technology aversion. My mother's refusal runs deeper. Several factors contribute to her reluctance:

• Fear of the Unknown: Technology can be daunting, especially for someone who's accustomed to familiar methods. The learning curve, however small, can feel insurmountable.
• Loss of Control: Handwritten notes provide a sense of tangible control. A digital system, no matter how user-friendly, can feel impersonal and potentially unreliable.
• Comfort and Routine: Her existing methods, however inefficient, represent comfort and familiarity. Changing ingrained habits is challenging, especially for older adults.
• Underlying Anxiety: Technology can be overwhelming. The fear of making mistakes or "breaking" the system might be an underlying factor.

Bridging the Gap: Strategies for Success

I've learned that forcing the issue is counterproductive. Instead, I'm focusing on these strategies:

• Gradual Integration: Instead of overwhelming her with the entire system, I'm introducing one feature at a time. Starting with simple calendar reminders has proven more effective than a full-blown technological overhaul.
• Patience and Empathy: It's crucial to approach the situation with empathy and understanding. Frustration only exacerbates the issue.
• Hands-on Assistance: Offering regular, patient assistance is essential. Sitting with her and guiding her through each step builds confidence and reduces anxiety.
• Celebrating Small Wins: Acknowledging and celebrating her small successes, however insignificant they may seem, reinforces positive reinforcement.
• Finding Analogous Solutions: Sometimes, adapting the system to incorporate familiar elements can bridge the gap. For instance, printing out the weekly calendar and keeping it visible might be a helpful compromise.

The Ongoing Journey

This isn't a quick fix. It's an ongoing process requiring patience, understanding, and a willingness to adapt my approach. The key is to focus on her needs and preferences, not on forcing technology upon her. The ultimate goal isn't to make her a tech whiz; it's to find a balance that respects her comfort while improving her organizational capabilities. Perhaps someday, my meticulously crafted system will be fully embraced. But for now, I'm content with small victories and the unwavering love that transcends technological divides.

Related Articles:

• [Link to an article about helping elderly parents with technology]
• [Link to an article about overcoming technology anxiety]

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